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WadeRandolph.com |
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03/17/05 Brian the Communist Strikes Again. Unless you’re a Mormon, or a jerk, I think we can all agree that St. Patty’s day is, by far, the best holiday ever invented by any sort of Saint like person. My roommates and I had invited some friends over to show them our new place, have some fun, and forget about the day’s earlier events. It got to be around one or two in the morning, and the whole group was outside our front door talking and smoking and being probably a little louder than we realized we were being. Suddenly and without warning, Brian the Communist’s door opened with a creeeeeeeek. |
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I was the first to see him, and I immediately knew we were in for trouble. You don’t party outside of one of the most powerful Russian crime boss’s front door and not expect certain repercussions. Time seemed to slow down as he stepped over the schez lounge, hitched up the waste of his flannel PJs, and headed to a place of prominence among our already huddled shivering mass. We were fucked and we knew it. The following is a transcription of Brian's diatribe, and an effort, by myself, to analyze its meaning. “THIS IS NOT WORKING!” He began in his thick, dripping, accent. This one seems pretty self-explanatory. He's trying to sleep, and we're being loud. Thus, his effort to get a restful night's sleep (this), is not working. “YOU ARE NOT WORKING!” Okay, we're not working. This could mean one of three things. 1) We, as members of society are not fulfilling our roles as considerate, thoughtful people. 2) We currently, or in the near future, do not have a job to go to, therefore "work". Or 3) And this is the one I really am going to have to go with: This man is a subtext genius, and really meant both 1) and 2). The level of thought involved in such a powerful and multi-layered communiqué can only mean that Brian was some sort of Professor back in the mother land. “I AM WORKING AND YOU ARE NOT WORKING!” It can be argued that this is the point at which Brian began to struggle with his words, and resort to repeating himself. But I'll go on with the analysis anyway. I'm pretty sure this means that Brian has to work tomorrow, and we don't. This, however, is an inaccurate statement, and Brian should be informed that even people with jobs, often stay up until two in the morning drinking beer and having conversations. Especially, when those people are in their post-college-I-wish-I-could-go-back-and-never-grow-up mid twenties, and it's St. Patty's day. “THE MUSIC AND THE TALKING!” It seems as though Brian may have regained
his footing a little bit. This is a new one. By actually
describing what about the situation he is unhappy with, we, as the
receivers of the message, now have a clear picture of the “IT IS NOT WORKING!” The knockout punch is delivered as he pulls it all back together to form the perfect, “Shut the fuck up, out there” speech. We lick our wounds and slowly head back inside as Brian stands, breathing heavily, looking over the carnage that his verbal onslaught has caused.
Moments before the encounter... |
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exact problem
which needs to be fixed.