WadeRandolph.com

5/26/05

The People Versus Some Crappy Temp Job I Had One Day

Well, it's already Thursday and I'm going out of town tomorrow, so it looks like I've completed my "Week of Celebrity Sightings" with an impressive two entries. Hooray!

When I first moved to L.A. I registered with a temp company that worked with a lot of the entertainment companies and studios and stuff. Mostly they would just get you paid audience work and crap like that, but on my birthday, they had me working at LFP, or Larry Flynt Publications. And it couldn't have been a better way to spend my day.

The day started with a tour of the LFP Tower. It's not a very big building, maybe 13 floors, but they call it a tower because when you're in porn, you over exagerate the size of everything. It was a pretty standard office building. Full of...offices. But then you get to the top floor, and your world is completely blown. (Excuse the pun.)

Apparently, when you get really wealthy, you completely lose all sense of taste, and modesty. This top floor was great. Red, patterned carpets, golden statues, oil paintings, tapestries. All of it could have been pictured in the dictionary next to the word: "totally f'ing gaudy". It was like an orgasm of wasted money. The lady taking me on the tour was telling me that later I was to bring all these executives the newest videos that Hustler had put out. Then she led me to Larry Flynt's office. It was at the very end of the building, by itself, and it had these huge doors that were closed. I was upset, because if this is the way the public area is decorated, Flynt's office surely must have been adorned with live nude models...or something.

Later in the day I was delivering the new videos. It was the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, which is why I was there filling in, and why most of the executives weren't in that day. I wheeled the videos around on a cart that had one squeaky wheel. It was kind of embarrassing. Each squeak was like a warning beacon to all that the temp with the huge box of porn was headed your way. Larry's office, however, was out of my way, but I really wanted to see in there, so I headed down the hall with my squeaky cart.

As I approached the massive doors, it became obvious that they were open, and that was rad. I slowly squeaked up to where I could see in, squeak...squeak...squeak. It appeared to be very moderately styled. Lots of grays and blues. I kept walking, more and more of the office revealed itself to me, then I got in the middle of the two doors, and directly in front of me was Larry Flynt's desk, with him sitting behind it. My heart skipped a beat. I never thought he would be there the day before a holiday. And he just sat there, staring right at me, with those cold, dead eyes. He has eyes like a shark's. And his arms were just kind of lying on his desk. And he just stared at me. And I got scared and took off.

And my cart squeaked a little faster, all the way to the elevator.

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